Why coaching from the sideline hurts your athlete's performance

This is going to upset some parents. 

I’m okay with that for two reasons:

#1 It’s the truth. 

#2 It’s for the benefit of the kids.

But before I make you mad at me

Imagine this…

You’re at your office or place of work. You’re working on a project. 

All of a sudden…

All at the same time…

Tony from 3 cubicles down is yelling at you that you’re doing it wrong.

Johnny from accounting is shouting to not forget the due date.

Lisa the secretary is telling you there is a stain on your tie.

Joe the custodian is yelling to make sure you’re recycling.

Janet from human resources doesn’t like the way you type.

Your boss Bobby is shouting to you about a new project that should have been started last week.

So picture that…and 37 more voices are yelling at you all at once.

Oh & they expect you to do exactly what they say in the exact moment they say it. 

Would you be able to make a good decision? Would you be able to concentrate? Would that be confusing for you? Would that be fun for you?

I’m going to imagine you said, “that would be pretty tough to deal with.”

Ready for the part where you get pissed off at me?

How do you think your child feels at their sports games?

If you’re yelling and coaching from the sideline it does not help. It actually hurts. 

Now before you go & say…”that’s not the same thing.”

Stop it. Yes it is.

Kids are people too. 

They get confused, frustrated & angry when lots of people are yelling at them frantically to do exactly what they want exactly at the moment they say it.

Now here is what you’re going to say if you disagree….

“It’s my kid & I’ll say what I want!”

“I get excited when they play.”

“I just want to help them so they do well.”

“They need my help!”

“The coach doesn't know what they are doing!”

“I paid for this team & I can yell all I want!”

Does that mean when you go to a restaurant you can stand on the table & throw chicken tenders at the family of 4 next to you because you paid for the food?

Now that that’s out of the way…

The root of everything on that list is…

You love them & want the best for them.

Which is why I’m writing this to help because I know deep down your intentions are good.

The strategy is just poor.

Here are 6 reasons why yelling & coaching from the sidelines doesn’t help.

 1. It’s confusing - who the hell do they listen to?? They have 17 voices giving them different directions all at the same time. That’s confusing for anyone, let alone a child that’s trying to perform difficult physical tasks with others trying to stop them from doing it already.

2. You undermined the coach - Coaching is not easy, especially since a lot of people are volunteers. They are saying one thing and you’re saying the complete opposite. Or the players can’t even hear their coach. There is one adult that the player should be listening to & that’s the coach. Yes, even if you know more than them. You wouldn’t want someone doing that to you if you were the coach. 

3. Ruins the fun & raises anxiety - the pressure to please parents can be too much for some kids & lead to them quitting the sport they used to love. There is no way they can keep up with your directions on every play. This makes them nervous & they do not play better. They play worse.

4. You’re taking away decision making opportunities - players need to make their own decisions. They are the ones playing. It’s not about you getting a gold medal in the bleachers for “see I told you to do that”. You can’t control them like an Alexa.  Allow them to make decisions, good or bad so they learn.

5. It’s very distracting - it’s difficult for everyone involved, not just your athlete. Other players, parents and coaches are going to struggle to concentrate with you barking out orders like an NFL Quarterback in the huddle. 

6. Eventually they will tune you out completely - ever have that teacher or coach that yelled so much it didn’t even phase you anymore? It was like you stopped hearing them. This is the same thing. However, they won’t just not hear you during the game. They will “Yes” you to death after the game while scrolling through TikTok. 

 If you disagree, now you’re thinking….

“Oh okay, I guess I just can’t say anything.”

I didn’t say that.

I think cheering is great.

“Good shot!”

“Great pass!”

“Awesome hustle!” 

I’m talking about giving them orders, instructions, coaching etc.

For example: “Shoot it!” “Pass it!” “Dribble it” “Don’t shoot it” “Don’t dribble it” “Other hand” “no the other hand” “Bend your knees” "Go right" "Go left"

If you really really want to help…

Video the game & watch it back with them.

Now you might say…“I’m not doing that, I want to watch it live.”

Okay cool, have someone else do it or you turn the tripod handle yourself without looking through the camera. 

Or 

Grab a notebook and pen to take notes on things you want to discuss after the game. 

Now you might say…“I’m not doing that, I want to enjoy the game.”

After reading this…If you think yelling instructions at them from the sideline is a great idea then go for it.

Let me know how it turns out in 2 years when they either quit or don’t want to talk to you after the game. 

Something else you can do if you’re looking for an alternative is…

Ask questions first.

“What was the best part of the game for you?”

“What do you think you did really well?”

“What do you think you can improve on?”

Eventually they will ask you what you thought…

This is good!

It’s their decision to hear from you.

Now you might say “I don’t need permission to tell my child what to do!”

Do you want them to tolerate you or enjoy hearing from you?

Your goal should be for them to enjoy getting your feedback, not dreading it. 

You also may say “my kid doesn’t care, doesn’t bother them at all that I’m coaching like it’s the NBA finals on the sideline despite not being on the coaching staff.”

Are you sure? Or maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings because basketball is a way you bond. 

The purpose of the game is not for you to win the ESPY for the best sideline parent coach in the girls 4th grade rec division.

The purpose should be to have fun, be active, learn, improve, make friends & work for a common goal with teammates. 

Or

Just say…

“I love to watch you play.” 

And just go home & get some ice cream.

I know a lot of parents will not agree with this or have already clicked out of this email while cursing me out in their head.

But if you stuck around hopefully it made some sort of positive impact on how you view this topic. 

Thanks for reading,

Coach Nick Aldiero